Mothering and the internet

I'm not talking about how to teach your children internet use. That is a good topic to look at, but not the point of this post.

I'm talking about what the internet has done to mothers now. Of course, this is the only time I've experienced motherhood, so maybe it hasn't changed all that much. Then again, I didn't have internet in my home for the first 3 years of being a mother, and even then, it was dial-up. So, I do have some perspective on how the internet world has changed me.

The biggest change, for me, is that I interact with a lot more moms in different circumstances. Pre-internet, I would have only interacted with moms of kids in my area. We'd be in scouts, or ECFE, or some other activity together, and that would be that. We'd naturally have something in common. Now, I can reach out and cyberally touch the Californian mom or the American mom raising her children in Europe. I'm not limited to moms who are like me. What a catalyst for mommy-wars! Where you live matters in how you raise your children. The Californian mom can be shocked and appalled that my children don't ride in that safest of the safest car seats until they are 18. The reality is that she deals with a much bigger danger when it comes to road travel than I do. It would be a bad choice for her to allow her children to bike down the side of a highway. For me, even on a highway, we aren't likely to see another vehicle. (We are most likely, this time of year, to pass by a horse-drawn buggy, actually.) Unfortunately, the idea that we are in different circumstances doesn't translate well online, and so an online debate about carseat usage turns ugly because one mom can't imagine letting her child sit in a booster seat at the age of 4, while the other can't imagine why they would pay $300 for a 5-point harness to hold them until they are 8.

That's not where the internet hurts us mommies the most, though. It hurts us in the guilt department. Blogs written by moms show a neatly packaged picture of motherhood. I may wander on to a craft blog and suddenly feel guilt that my front porch contains a basket of dead flowers that have been there for over a year, a screen door tied shut because it blows open in the wind, and a box of sidewalk chalk, while hers has perfectly coordinated chairs, homemade planters (with plants that are actually alive!), and a cutely decorated table. Somehow, it becomes apparent that my children will be forever deprived because there was a lack of fresh foliage on our front porch.

Then, we take these feelings of guilt and transfer them on to our facebook accounts. Of COURSE my children had a beautifully prepared meal tonight. And, hey, look at all the cute things my kid says. Yes, my son knows what the hallelujah chorus is at the age of 3. (Ha, that one is mine.) Would I ever admit online to "find your own dinner" and peanut butter all over my blankets? (Consider that an admission of last night at our house.) In all of these places- message boards, blogs, facebook- what is being said is as important as what is not being said.

But let's not turn our backs on the internet, because it is a wonderful tool. It has greatly blessed our lives. It was on the internet that I learned about oximeters which have saved us hundreds of miles traveled to the doctor and who knows how much in medical bills. If I can't think of dinner, I can find something online. It is an endless resource for advice, recipes, fun kid activities, communication with teachers and other parents.

It just becomes a trick of avoiding the pitfalls of guilt and time lost.

There is one more internet trap to be avoided and that is the one of finding easy answers. A few clicks gives us many experiences from other moms. As I have faced dilemmas with my children, I have found other moms online who have experienced similar things. I can read what worked for them. However, there is no where on the internet a manual for raising my own children. There is just one place where I find the answer to what MY child needs, and that is in prayer. No one else but the Lord can tell me if my child's behavior is because of hurt, anger, or a deeper psychological issue.

In the information age, please don't forget to go to the source of all knowledge and all intelligence. Even with the internet, we have not begun to scrape the surface of all the our God knows about the world around us. And, the internet does not understand any of what God knows about me, my children, and my family.