On judging, gossiping, and backbiting

Judging is always an interesting thing to sort through.  We are told not to judge, but we obviously have to make judgment calls, especially a mother.  We are constantly making judgment calls, from who we let take care of our children to what form of discipline we most agree with to what is the best food and diet choices. 

We are told to judge righteously, as Christ did.  So let's look at Christ's example of judging another.  John 3 (let's just put the scriptures here so we can refer to them).

3 And the scribes and Pharisees brought unto him a ^awoman taken in ^badultery; and when they had set her in the midst,

 4 They say unto him, Master, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act.

 5 Now Moses in the ^alaw commanded us, that such should be stoned: but what sayest thou?

 6 This they said, tempting him, that they might have to accuse him. But Jesus stooped down, and with his finger ^awrote on the ground, as though he heard them not.

 7 So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without ^asin among you, let him ^bfirst cast a ^cstone at her.

 8 And again he stooped down, and wrote on the ground.

 9 And they which heard it, being convicted by their own ^aconscience, went out one by one, beginning at the eldest, even unto the last: and Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst.

 10 When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee?

 11 She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I ^acondemn thee: go, and ^bsin no ^cmore.

 

Here Christ, our ultimate judge, is offered the chance to judge someone.  He could have asserted his authority as God's Son and judged her.  He did not.  What she was doing was most definitely wrong, but he didn't focus on that.   There are a few key points I want to illustrate from this story. 

 

1.  To stone someone was to kill them.  People did not survive stoning, especially since we are talking about a large group of men here, and one loan female.  She wouldn't have lived.  It has occurred to me that Christ was not protecting her in this scenario. Legally, they could have taken her somewhere else and stoned her.  He did not stop that from happening.  Who was he protecting?  He was protecting the Pharisees and scribes.  There is only one sin that the Bible tells us is greater than adultery- and that is the sin of murder.  He was giving them the opportunity to walk away and NOT destroy themselves spiritually.  (We know that Christ's first visit here to earth was for the spiritual redemption of man, not the physical one, so his actions were focused on spiritual strength and redemption.) 

 

2.  He also was showing his redemptive powers for everyone in the group.  No one cast a stone, they all acknowledged their own sin and wrong-doing.  Had he allowed her to be stoned, he would have been including each and everyone in that spiritual condemnation.  If Christ's mercy is not strong enough for one person, it is not strong enough for anyone.  If He could not offer his mercy to her, He would have been telling all of them that His mercy could not reach them, either.  God is no respecter of persons, so we are all redeemable, or none of us are. 

 

3.  The Pharisees and scribes were religious people, who claimed to be followers of God.  Interesting that it was them, not the gentiles or sinners, who were the ones proposing to stone someone for their sin. 

 

Stoning the adulterer is hardly an issue in today's world.  So, let's jump these lessons to today.  Gossiping and backbiting are verbal stone throwing.  They damage a person.  They can completely destroy someone spiritually.  They are justified by the person doing it based on the victim's actions, just as the Pharisees justified casting stones based on the women's actions.  So often I hear women destroy other mothers verbally.  It is a problem that I believe is so prevalent within our culture and society, and it does more to the destruction of the family unit than just about anything else.  Let's take those three points and applying them to us, mothers in the latter-days.

 

1.  The greater sin is in the gossiping and backbiting.  Chances are, whatever that other mom did that you disagree with was not as damaging spiritually as gossiping and backbiting.  We are asked by our leaders to avoid gossiping, judging and backbiting because it destroys us spiritually.  It does more damage in the eternities to the person doing the attacking than the person being attacked.  Christ is still far more concerned about our spiritual welfare than anything else, and we have been counseled again and again to avoid this damning habit.  It will destroy us.  It drives the spirit away and invites the spirit of contention into our hearts.  Think of a time you engaged in this- did you feel the spirit?  Did it uplift you spiritually?  Or, did it uplift your pride by driving a fellow daughter of God down?

 

2.  We are in this together.  As a mother, I know I make mistakes.  I know I am not doing everything right.  That is hard to deal with, because it does affect my children.  I do believe that Christ's atonement covers me.  In fact, being a mother has reminded me more than anything else how badly I need the atonement.  If Christ's atonement is big enough for me and my mistakes, it has to be big enough for every other mother out there, too.  Generally speaking, the mothers out there are doing the best they know how to do, and they should be applauded for that, not torn down for a mistake they may make.

 

3.  We often justify our right to judge another by our own knowledge of the commandments.  The gospel of Jesus Christ does give us a lot of information that helps with parenting.  Others don't have that.  We should not use our view of eternal principals as a justification for judging another.  If anything, it just holds us to a different standard.  We will be judged by what we know, and that goes for every mother out there.

 

We do know that there is a time and place for some judgment.  We have to decide things.  In my opinion, we can judge as far as it effects our own interaction.  We can judge and say that another mother's parenting doesn't work with ours, and so playgroups probably aren't a good idea.  We can judge and say that a child needs to be saved from abuse and we should call the authorities and help that child.  We can look at different parenting styles and philosophies and judge which one we think is best to use in our own families. But, as soon as that judgment steps outside of our realm of responsibility and action, we need to stop the judging.  It then becomes gossiping and backbiting, and damages those around us and ourselves. 

 

Besides all of that- Life is just simpler and happier if you don't stress about every decision every other mom out there is making.