Trials

This post come courtesy of a good friend of mine. We were discussing last night the role of trials in our life, and this blog post is a result of that conversation.

I always imagine that we choose our trials. Now, I don't know that this is doctrinal. However, I do feel that there is enough evidence given to say that it does happen that way, maybe not every time, but some of the time, I'm sure it does. However, in the midst of these trials, I question the logic of my premortal self. Why would I be okay with this? Before my conversation with this friend, my answer has always been "because I had an eternal perspective that I don't have now." While that is true, I gained further insight last night on this.

Sometimes, we say we can do something, and that we are sure it will be just fine, and yes, we know it will be hard, but we can do it. How hard did we know it would be? Did you know how bad child labor would be? Did you know how deeply a child making a mistake would hurt? Sure, we all wanted to be moms, and we signed up for it, but, in reality, did we know how hard it really would be? What about callings- that first day being excited, and then the reality hits, and we realize that this is hard work! I remember that feeling from my mission. In my mind, I loved the idea of knocking door-to-door. Yes, I knew it would be hard. Yes, I got that there would be bad days. Did I know how hard? No.

The Savior volunteered for a job. He volunteered to suffer for our sins. Did he know how hard it would be? I don't know that He did. In the midst of the hardest part of His trial, He asked to have the cup removed. That was the insight my friend gave me, as we discussed how we sometimes so badly want to find a way out of a trial. Some trials, there just isn't an easy way out. I just want to get out, though. I want to quit that trial. I want to go back in time, and tell my premortal self not to volunteer for it. I want to wake up one day and find that it was a bad dream.

I used to think that feeling that way was because I was weak. I used to think that it was because I lacked faith, or spiritual strength. I realized last night that the Savior Himself felt that way, and since He is perfect, it is not a sin to feel that way. It is not a sin to pray and ask God to release us from the pain. The way we become like the Savior is to learn to say, as He did, "not my will, but thine, be done." The reason the Savior was perfect was because He did it anyway.

That's where the eternal perspective comes in. Eternal Perspective is what caused the Lord to not quit. Eternal Perspective is what reminds us, in the midst of a trial, that it is worth moving forward.

So, we move forward, knowing it is okay to feel that we don't want to, but choosing to anyway. As much as I had no idea how hard my mission would be, or how hard parenthood would be, I also had no idea how rewarding it would be, how much joy I would feel, or how close I could feel to heaven doing those things.